Aug. 25th, 2007 10:24 pm
amariahellcat: (Default)
 So school starts again in a week. Lovely. Grade twelve to, isn't that just wonderful? Hell no, definately not. I'm not looking forward to it at all. A lot of people think "OMG last year of high school I'm almost free!" No, you're not. You're really not. There's still college or university, then you have to get a job. You actually have to start worrying about your future. I don't want to. I don't want  to have to worry about tuition fees, or applying to college, or scholarships, or getting a full time job or any of that shit. I don't want it. I like being a teenager. I don't want to worry about tests and exams, and I'm in yearbook this year so I'll have even more responsibility. Lovely.I have a part time job now, but it's nothing big.

 Everythings getting to me again. And y'know what? I want a boyfriend. That might sound stupid, it might sound immature or whinny or whatever, it might sound unimportant. But it is to me. A lot of my friends have them, a lot of people my age have them. Me? 17 and never had a boyfriend, been kissed, or been on a date. Kind of sad, really. Maybe it's my looks, since most of the guys my age are shallow pricks who go for the thin, bitchy girls who dress like whores and wear god knows how much make up. I'm not thin and I know it, I weigh more then I'd like, and no matter what anyone says, I'm not pretty. Say what you want, but I'm not. Part of my weight is from my height, but I have guy friends that are taller then me and weigh less then me. Now doesn't that make me feel great about myself.

 Could also be my personality I guess, but who knows. Fact is, I'd like one, because it would make me feel like someone could actually like me like that. I'm afraid of ending up alone; not many people know that, hell I don't think anyone does, but I do. It scares me.

 Another thing that's been getting to me is this girl I'm kind of friends with. I met her in drama class last year, and I thought she was ok. But lately she's just been annoying the hell out of me, and I want to rant at her but I can't. So I'll rant here. She thinks she's multi-talented, that she's good at everything  and that lots of people like her. I'm sorry, but she's delusional. She's a horrible writer, has no sense of grammar what so ever. Her character is a complete Mary-Sue, and she can't tell. She can't sing yet she tries out for every talent show, and she can't act. But I'm going to hold my tongue because I'm 'the nice one' and I hate making people feel like shit.

 Another friend of mine is worrying me lately. She goes through moods where she feels like crap and says she's not good at anything. I hate when she does this, because she's wrong. She's an amazing person, and I love her to death; she's one of my best friends, I don't know what I'd do without her. I talk to her about everything, and it kills me that she thinks so badly of herself. And I feel horrible because I don't know what to say or how to cheer her up. I hate it, I hate not being able to do anything. I just want to give her a big hug and not let go for like an hour, but I can't  because she doesn't live in the same country as me. And it just eats at me when she talks so badly about herself... I don't know what to do.

 I think I'm good for now... got some more stuff out. God I've gotta stop keeping this in...


amariahellcat: (Default)
Cassandra G

November 2011

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