'Maria's place

So, I started school again two weeks ago, and this is basically the journal to explain what I'm dreading, what I like, why I'm dreading things, what's going to suck, and so on and so forth. The reason for the title of the entry is because it is, in a way, the beginning of the end; the beginning of my last year of school, ever, for which I sincerely thank god.  So, I'm going to kinda... section it out, yknow, to make it easier to understand? So here we go:

Tuesdays
Now, Tuesday is my first day of class every week; it has also been deemed 'awesome' day as of the first week of school. Why? For several reasons. Let's go in order; my first class of the day is Studies in Shakespeare with Joel Baetz (2nd year ENG), which I originally thought I would dread. This has turned out to not be the case; first off, Joel is hilarious and seems like an all around cool guy. We spent the whole first class playing a game to introduce ourselves to each other and to him, and second class talking about Midsummer Night's Dream and other related info. The class also has a minimum amount of assignments, all of which should be fairly easy to complete. This class runs from 2-5, though he let us go at 4 both times so far.

My second class on Tuesday is from 6:30-8:20 lecture every two weeks, and then only 6:30-7:50 the other weeks for seminar; this class is Utopia: Future Fiction (3rd year CUST) with Graham Murphy, who I've had every year since I started, literally. My friend Carey actually joked during introductions that me and her have been 'creeping on all Grahams classes since the start' since his class first year was where we met, to which Graham just laughed. Now, I can literally tell you all the assignments in this class: one essay each semester, one seminar presentation that I'm doing with a friend. That's it. There's also two mini-in-class-quizzes, but that's it. Graham is like my savior when it comes to homework loads, I swear.

Wednesdays
Now, first week, I THOUGHT I WAS going to be dreading Wednesdays, but now I can tell it's not going to be as bad as I'd thought.

My first class is Foundations in Medieval and Renaissance Literature (2nd year ENG) with Prof. Drake, and is split into lecture from 11:10-12, and seminar from 2-4, roughly speaking. When I first started, I thought it was going to be horrible; the assignments looked like a pain, there was so much info to take in, I just felt overwhelmed. Now I see that's not going to be the case. We have two smaller essays each semester, and one small assignment each semester, plus exams; that's really not to bad. Plus, prof Drake is actually pretty interesting during seminar, despite the fact that he's very monotone.

My second class is Music and Society (2nd year CUST) with Michael Morse from 6:30-8:30ish, who talks way to frigging fast but is pretty entertaining/interesting. Plus, again, even though there's a number of smaller assignments, they don't seem very hard, so it shouldn't be an issue. The main issue in this class is going to be making sure I'm awake enough to keep up with him, haha.

Thursdays
Now, this class is probably going to be annoying no matter what I do, but I'll get through it. This is my only Peterborough class, ever, and it's also my only other 3rd year course, Theatre in the 20th Century (CUST) with Diana Manole, who is Romanian and has an... interesting accent. Unfortunately, its a credit I need to graduate at the end of the year, so I have to take it. When I took the course, I assumed; oh, we'll be looking at various 20th century play texts and discussing them and writing papers and stuff. Uh, no. I have to act. In a group with people I don't know. Fuck my life.

The two papers we have in this class are going to be annoying as well, as we need secondary research. I hate secondary research; I'm a very English-paper person, I'm good at bullshitting English essays in two hours max and getting pretty good grades. I have an issue doing secondary research, and it always drives me insane. I'll get through this class, I'm sure, but it might kill me by the end.

In General, though the new Oshawa campus is pretty nice, I wish they'd just left us at the Durham/UOIT campus for one more year. Why? There aren't any plugs in the classrooms. At least, none that are readily accessible to students. And when your laptop is an 03 that's battery life is, at max, two hours? You need an outlet. I've been forced to shut down my laptop before it hits hibernate and chicken scratch my notes in a notebook for the end of class, which I have to type out later anyways. It's a paaaaaain, but I'll survive.

Upside, parking is free, I get free use of all Oshawa buses, and I can go swimming at the Civic and Legend centers anytime I want once I get my student pass figured out.

Downside, bus to Peterborough is going to kill me; I'm going to have to go way before class and come home way after class in order to use the GO bus. And why aren't I driving? Well, let's just say that the main campus is FUCKING RETARDED and I NEVER EVER EVER WANT TO DRIVE ON IT AGAIN EVER. Also, my poor little Sunfire doesn't sound normal anymore, and I'm terrified if I strain the engine to much it's going to die on me for good, so I'm not taking it out of Oshawa for a while.

Otherwise, should be able to survive this year, WHILE HOPEFULLY being able to keep up with my writing and other stuff. ANY I LOVE YOU GUYS AND FEEL FREE TO PING ME ON AIM OR MSN IF YOU WANT TO TALK LIKE SRSLY I SUCK AT PAYING ATTENTION TO MESSENGERS I'M SORRY ;____;

 So school starts again in a week. Lovely. Grade twelve to, isn't that just wonderful? Hell no, definately not. I'm not looking forward to it at all. A lot of people think "OMG last year of high school I'm almost free!" No, you're not. You're really not. There's still college or university, then you have to get a job. You actually have to start worrying about your future. I don't want to. I don't want  to have to worry about tuition fees, or applying to college, or scholarships, or getting a full time job or any of that shit. I don't want it. I like being a teenager. I don't want to worry about tests and exams, and I'm in yearbook this year so I'll have even more responsibility. Lovely.I have a part time job now, but it's nothing big.

 Everythings getting to me again. And y'know what? I want a boyfriend. That might sound stupid, it might sound immature or whinny or whatever, it might sound unimportant. But it is to me. A lot of my friends have them, a lot of people my age have them. Me? 17 and never had a boyfriend, been kissed, or been on a date. Kind of sad, really. Maybe it's my looks, since most of the guys my age are shallow pricks who go for the thin, bitchy girls who dress like whores and wear god knows how much make up. I'm not thin and I know it, I weigh more then I'd like, and no matter what anyone says, I'm not pretty. Say what you want, but I'm not. Part of my weight is from my height, but I have guy friends that are taller then me and weigh less then me. Now doesn't that make me feel great about myself.

 Could also be my personality I guess, but who knows. Fact is, I'd like one, because it would make me feel like someone could actually like me like that. I'm afraid of ending up alone; not many people know that, hell I don't think anyone does, but I do. It scares me.

 Another thing that's been getting to me is this girl I'm kind of friends with. I met her in drama class last year, and I thought she was ok. But lately she's just been annoying the hell out of me, and I want to rant at her but I can't. So I'll rant here. She thinks she's multi-talented, that she's good at everything  and that lots of people like her. I'm sorry, but she's delusional. She's a horrible writer, has no sense of grammar what so ever. Her character is a complete Mary-Sue, and she can't tell. She can't sing yet she tries out for every talent show, and she can't act. But I'm going to hold my tongue because I'm 'the nice one' and I hate making people feel like shit.

 Another friend of mine is worrying me lately. She goes through moods where she feels like crap and says she's not good at anything. I hate when she does this, because she's wrong. She's an amazing person, and I love her to death; she's one of my best friends, I don't know what I'd do without her. I talk to her about everything, and it kills me that she thinks so badly of herself. And I feel horrible because I don't know what to say or how to cheer her up. I hate it, I hate not being able to do anything. I just want to give her a big hug and not let go for like an hour, but I can't  because she doesn't live in the same country as me. And it just eats at me when she talks so badly about herself... I don't know what to do.

 I think I'm good for now... got some more stuff out. God I've gotta stop keeping this in...